Why Premarital Counseling Is A Must

You’ve finally met the “one”.  This is it, you’ve found the person your gonna marry.  Now what?  Before taking the plunge  and saying “I do”, you should consider premarital counseling.  Not only should you consider it, you should participate in it, especially if this is your first marriage. Right off the bat, most couples have a 50% change  of divorcing.  Couple for whom this is there second or subsequent marriage, have an even higher rate of divorce.

 

You may be thinking you don’t need premarital counseling because after all, you’ve met you’re soul-mate and you guys get along fine, The relationship is great.  Almost everyone starts off like this.  That’s because in the beginning, the hormones are raging, the newness is exciting and the euphoria is intoxicating.  While in this  euphoric stage, you’re not thinking about real life issues such as finances, family history, if and when to have children, roles and responsibilities of each person.  Usually premarital  counseling is the furthest thing on your mind.   You mistakenly believe love is enough.  If love were enough, 50% of marriages would not end in divorce.   Additionally, while  in this stage your judgment is offend clouded and thus the real important issues that need to be explored are often overlooked and never discussed.   We’ve heard the saying “Love is Blind”.  Well, love really is blind.  Don’t fall for it.  Increase your changes of longevity, according to the Journal of Family Psychology, couples that participate in premarital counseling have higher levels of marital satisfaction and a 30% decline in the likelihood of divorce.

Now that we’ve established that premarital counseling is advisable, and improves your changes for a successful marriage, it’s almost as though it’s a most.  The  next question is with whom should you counsel with?  Some couple counsel with their religious leaders. That’s fine so long as he/she has the experience,  either formal or life experience to cover the important issues that need to be discussed.

The most important thing to consider when choosing someone for premarital counseling is to choose someone who will help you deal with and face the issues that most couples argue about.  You want someone who will help you  explore the other person’s believes and attitudes about these issues. Someone who has been through these issues, and who can help the two of you discuss these issues while realizing that each of you will see and deal with them based upon your lenses which have been colored by your family history and relationships. Who we are as adults is a result of how we were parented.  A competent counselor will help you identify areas of concern. so that they can be addressed.

Of course, the counselor’s job is not to tell you what to do.  This is your life and you are responsible for it. You always have a choice.  The counselor’s job is to help you determine whether or not your partner has the value, morals and characteristics  that mesh with you.  If you get this right, your 50% on your way to a successful marriage.  The formula for a successful marriage is to choose carefully and wisely and then treat nicely.

“Change The World By Being You”

 

We all do “it”.  What is the “it”?  It’s the self doubt and negative talk that we play over and over in our head.  It’s this thinking that holds us back and prevents us from offering our talents and gifts to the world.  Stop the self doubt, stop the negative talk, and stop denying the world your gifts!  Get out of your head, and change the world.  Now … Right Now! Today!

Accept that you, yes you, have talents and gifts to share with the world.  You were born with them.  When you made your entry into this physical world, it was already decided that you were being sent here for a season and a reason.   You were not overlooked when the talents were passed out. Every human being has a unique gift or talent. When you entertain the thought  that you have no gifts or talents, know that that’s the negative talk and the negative forces at work to deprive the world of you gifts.  Don’t allow the critic in you head to hold you back from making the world better by sharing and inspiring people with your gifts and talents.

If you don’t know what your gift or talent is, then you haven’t taken the time to explore and discover them.  Ask yourself, “If you had all the money you needed and money was no longer an issue, what would you be doing with your life”? What is it, that when you’re doing it, you have to make yourself stop, time seems to fly and you never get tired of doing it.  If after asking these questions, you still don’t know what your gifts are, take a day, spend it with yourself with no cell phone, no computer, no tablet, no electronic anything.  Just you, yourself and your surroundings.  Sit in stillness and communicate with yourself until you’ve discovered your talent.

Your talent is yours, its your gift.  Don’t compare it to anybody or anything else. It may not be the cure to some awful dreaded disease, or be a remedy for global warming. It is nonetheless, needed. Don’t downplay its significance and contribution to the world.  There is only one of you. You’re one of a kind so whatever your gift is, nobody else in the world can do it like you.  That’s the beauty of you being you, to share with the world your gifts and talents with your flare and your style.  The world needs you.  If not now, when?  This is your time to change the world by sharing your gifts and talents.  NO more excuses.  The world needs you, wants you.  What are you waiting on? As Nike says, “Just Do It”.

5 Ways To Show Self Love


February, the month of love.   This is the month for the chocolate, the roses and the cards.  The month in which more roses are sold than any other month. The roses, the chocolate and the cards are nice. We all like to receive and give these gifts.  We like to know that we matter, that we are loved and that we are thought of’; that we mean that much to someone, that they would take their time and money to purchase gifts to let us know that we are loved.

You can be that someone to yourself.  You can show yourself that you matter, that you are loved and carded for.  Here are 5 simple and easy ways to show yourself love

  1. Sleep:  On average we need 7 to 9 hours of sleep per night.  Most people, especially women, are sleep deprived and are getting nowhere near the recommended hours of sleep. Put the devices away, turn the television off and get in the bed.  Adequate sleep improves your mood, your stamina, and gives you a brighter outlook on life.  Sleep is so crucial to our physical and mental well being that a lack of sleep can be as dangerous as driving under the influence. Love yourself by getting enough sleep. Give your body the rest is deserves.
  2. Hydrate:  Water is the life force.  We can go days, weeks, and even months without food, but  only days without water.  It is the most important nutrient for our bodies, which are 50 – 75 % water.  We need water!  If you want be radiant and vibrant, drink your water.  Your body will love your for it!
  3. Daily physical activity:  We come into the world in motion.  We are created to move.  Find a physical activity  that you enjoy and do it daily!  It doesn’t matter what activity so long as it involves the use of your legs and arms.  The options are almost limitless:  dancing, jumping rope, swimming, running, kickboxing, walking, cycling. to name a few.  Love you enough, to move your body.
  4. Be Kind To Yourself:  In today’s world we are bombarded with advertisements telling us how much we lack, how deficient  we are and how we are not enough.  Don’t buy into that line of thinking.  Its this way of thinking that hampers us, again especially women, and keeps us stuck in relationships and situations that we know we should have left yesterday.  You are enough.  Tell yourself daily that “You Are Loving and Lovable”
  5. Eat at least one loving meal per day:  A loving meal is a meal prepared by you or someone who loves you and prepared with whole, healthy food.  If you want to look well, and feel well, then you have to eat well.  To eat well you need to eat whole, healthy, colorful and vibrant foods.   Value yourself enough to prepare a delicious meal that looks good, taste goods and is good for you.  It doesn’t have to be a gourmet meal.  The important thing is that you prepare it with love and with wholesome, healthy food.  When you eat it, set down with no distractions, yes, that means, no cell phones, and thoroughly chew and savor your food.

 We specialize in the “how” of staying married

We all know how to fall in love— that’s the easy part—but can we stay there?

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Welcome!

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 We specialize in the “how” of staying married

 

We all know how to fall in love— that’s the easy part—but can we stay there? After the ease fades and reality appears, can we stay there? After the frustration mounts and the tension grows, can we stay there? It may not seem like it, but the answer is, yes, we most certainly can… if we know how.

That’s where Family Matters of KC comes in. We specialize in the “how” of staying married. We teach couples how to ease the tension, strengthen the love and live in peace.

What makes love hard?

In the beginning, love feels magical.

It’s as if it wipes away the bad and intensifies the good. It truly is a magical feeling, but sooner or later, the magic fades and we discover that the only thing we have left to protect and shelter our love is what we’ve been taught. Therein lies the problem.

Few of us have been taught how to properly navigate our relationships. We just assume that ours will be different, unlike everyone else’s, unlike our parents’, unlike the 50 percent of marriages that end in divorce. We think we innately have the skill to step up and out of dis-ease that traps so many.

Wrong.

Necessary skills for happy marriages

Relationship skills must be learned and practiced. In the same way that a child must learn to crawl, walk and run, couples must learn to listen and speak in a way that nourishes their marriages. When we don’t learn these vital skills, we get stuck in our problems—so stuck that we often feel our only solution is to break free and find someone else, someone better.

But even after we find someone better, again, the problems arise. Again, we feel stuck. The cycle continues until we learn how to behave differently.

Family Matters of KC teaches the skills of active listening and conscious communication using the following curriculums:

-How to Avoid Marry a Jerk

-Getting the Love You Want

-8 Habits of Successful Marriages

 

 

 

 

Permanent link to this article: http://www.familymatterskc.org/

Why Premarital Counseling Is A Must

  You may be thinking you don’t need premarital counseling because after all, you’ve met you’re soul-mate and you guys get along fine, The relationship is great.  Almost everyone starts off like this.  That’s because in the beginning, the hormones are raging, the newness is exciting and the euphoria is intoxicating.  While in this  euphoric stage, …

Read more

“Change The World By Being You”

  We all do “it”.  What is the “it”?  It’s the self doubt and negative talk that we play over and over in our head.  It’s this thinking that holds us back and prevents us from offering our talents and gifts to the world.  Stop the self doubt, stop the negative talk, and stop denying …

Read more

5 Ways To Show Self Love

February, the month of love.   This is the month for the chocolate, the roses and the cards.  The month in which more roses are sold than any other month. The roses, the chocolate and the cards are nice. We all like to receive and give these gifts.  We like to know that we matter, that …

Read more