Jun 06

We Are Creatures of Habit!

build good habits motivational concept – text in vintage letterpress wood type with a cup of tea

“We are what we repeatedly do.  Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.”  Aristole

We are creatures of habit.  Almost everything we do, we do out of habit.  Think about it, we drive the same route to and from work, eat  basically the same food for breakfast, wear the same clothes over and over, despite the  fact that our closets overflow with clothes.   Have you driven home and not remembered the route you drove to get there? Your mind was not in an altered state, you weren’t sleep deprived, you were operating on auto pilot.  You’ve driver this route so many times that it is now a habit and is etched in your subconscious.  Or what about, have you rented a car, or driven someone else’s care, parked it, come back to the car and can’t find it because you’re looking for your car not the other car?  Well that happened to me recently. I was on a business trip in Disney World, Orlando, Florida, picked up the rental car, checked into the hotel and settled in.  The next day I headed out. When I returned to my car, it took me the longest to find it because I was looking for my car, not the loaner car. After serval minutes, I realized that my car was not there, that I had a rental car.  This didn’t happen once, it happened a few more times during the trip. This demonstrates my point about moving, working and doing things out of habit. Doing the same thing day in and day out, we create a pattern that causes us not to engage mentally and figure out what or how to do something.  We just do it.   Habits are formed by doing the same thing enough times that it becomes second nature and you don’t have to give it much thought.

Acting out of habit is not necessarily a bad thing.  After all, good habits are great.  We should all want more good habits in our life than bad habits.  How can we develop more good habits?  In order to develop good habits, first we must set intentions to build them then we have to be determined and steadfast in implementing the behavior that will create good habits.  Easier said than done.  We usually fail at building good habits because most of us go “all or nothing”, and because this strategy is so drastic and huge, we become overwhelmed and give up; or we become distracted, fall off the trail  and resort back to our old/bad habits.   To help break this cycle and build good, long lasting habits,  write out your “big picture”.  Know specifically what and where you want to go in life.  When you know this, you can set mini goals to help reach the end result. Take time daily to check in with yourself, to set the intentions needed to create the behavior to accomplish the  mini goal or task not focusing on how long it will take to reach the end or “big picture.”  No matter the distance, it still takes one step at a time.  Building small consistent successes builds motivation and confidence.  It builds upon itself.  This may seem simple and small, but it is one of the best things you can do to build good habits.

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Apr 10

Why Premarital Counseling Is A Must

You’ve finally met the “one”.  This is it, you’ve found the person your gonna marry.  Now what?  Before taking the plunge  and saying “I do”, you should consider premarital counseling.  Not only should you consider it, you should participate in it, especially if this is your first marriage. Right off the bat, most couples have a 50% change  of divorcing.  Couple for whom this is there second or subsequent marriage, have an even higher rate of divorce.


You may be thinking you don’t need premarital counseling because after all, you’ve met you’re soul-mate and you guys get along fine, The relationship is great.  Almost everyone starts off like this.  That’s because in the beginning, the hormones are raging, the newness is exciting and the euphoria is intoxicating.  While in this  euphoric stage, you’re not thinking about real life issues such as finances, family history, if and when to have children, roles and responsibilities of each person.  Usually premarital  counseling is the furthest thing on your mind.   You mistakenly believe love is enough.  If love were enough, 50% of marriages would not end in divorce.   Additionally, while  in this stage your judgment is offend clouded and thus the real important issues that need to be explored are often overlooked and never discussed.   We’ve heard the saying “Love is Blind”.  Well, love really is blind.  Don’t fall for it.  Increase your changes of longevity, according to the Journal of Family Psychology, couples that participate in premarital counseling have higher levels of marital satisfaction and a 30% decline in the likelihood of divorce.

Now that we’ve established that premarital counseling is advisable, and improves your changes for a successful marriage, it’s almost as though it’s a most.  The  next question is with whom should you counsel with?  Some couple counsel with their religious leaders. That’s fine so long as he/she has the experience,  either formal or life experience to cover the important issues that need to be discussed.

The most important thing to consider when choosing someone for premarital counseling is to choose someone who will help you deal with and face the issues that most couples argue about.  You want someone who will help you  explore the other person’s believes and attitudes about these issues. Someone who has been through these issues, and who can help the two of you discuss these issues while realizing that each of you will see and deal with them based upon your lenses which have been colored by your family history and relationships. Who we are as adults is a result of how we were parented.  A competent counselor will help you identify areas of concern. so that they can be addressed.

Of course, the counselor’s job is not to tell you what to do.  This is your life and you are responsible for it. You always have a choice.  The counselor’s job is to help you determine whether or not your partner has the value, morals and characteristics  that mesh with you.  If you get this right, your 50% on your way to a successful marriage.  The formula for a successful marriage is to choose carefully and wisely and then treat nicely.

Permanent link to this article: http://www.familymatterskc.org/why-premarital-counseling-is-a-must/

Mar 04

“Change The World By Being You”


We all do “it”.  What is the “it”?  It’s the self doubt and negative talk that we play over and over in our head.  It’s this thinking that holds us back and prevents us from offering our talents and gifts to the world.  Stop the self doubt, stop the negative talk, and stop denying the world your gifts!  Get out of your head, and change the world.  Now … Right Now! Today!

Accept that you, yes you, have talents and gifts to share with the world.  You were born with them.  When you made your entry into this physical world, it was already decided that you were being sent here for a season and a reason.   You were not overlooked when the talents were passed out. Every human being has a unique gift or talent. When you entertain the thought  that you have no gifts or talents, know that that’s the negative talk and the negative forces at work to deprive the world of you gifts.  Don’t allow the critic in you head to hold you back from making the world better by sharing and inspiring people with your gifts and talents.

If you don’t know what your gift or talent is, then you haven’t taken the time to explore and discover them.  Ask yourself, “If you had all the money you needed and money was no longer an issue, what would you be doing with your life”? What is it, that when you’re doing it, you have to make yourself stop, time seems to fly and you never get tired of doing it.  If after asking these questions, you still don’t know what your gifts are, take a day, spend it with yourself with no cell phone, no computer, no tablet, no electronic anything.  Just you, yourself and your surroundings.  Sit in stillness and communicate with yourself until you’ve discovered your talent.

Your talent is yours, its your gift.  Don’t compare it to anybody or anything else. It may not be the cure to some awful dreaded disease, or be a remedy for global warming. It is nonetheless, needed. Don’t downplay its significance and contribution to the world.  There is only one of you. You’re one of a kind so whatever your gift is, nobody else in the world can do it like you.  That’s the beauty of you being you, to share with the world your gifts and talents with your flare and your style.  The world needs you.  If not now, when?  This is your time to change the world by sharing your gifts and talents.  NO more excuses.  The world needs you, wants you.  What are you waiting on? As Nike says, “Just Do It”.

Permanent link to this article: http://www.familymatterskc.org/get-out/

5 Ways To Show Self Love

February, the month of love.   This is the month for the chocolate, the roses and the cards.  The month in which more roses are sold than any other month. The roses, the chocolate and the cards are nice. We all like to receive and give these gifts.  We like to know that we matter, that we are loved and that we are thought of’; that we mean that much to someone, that they would take their time and money to purchase gifts to let us know that we are loved.

You can be that someone to yourself.  You can show yourself that you matter, that you are loved and carded for.  Here are 5 simple and easy ways to show yourself love

  1. Sleep:  On average we need 7 to 9 hours of sleep per night.  Most people, especially women, are sleep deprived and are getting nowhere near the recommended hours of sleep. Put the devices away, turn the television off and get in the bed.  Adequate sleep improves your mood, your stamina, and gives you a brighter outlook on life.  Sleep is so crucial to our physical and mental well being that a lack of sleep can be as dangerous as driving under the influence. Love yourself by getting enough sleep. Give your body the rest is deserves.
  2. Hydrate:  Water is the life force.  We can go days, weeks, and even months without food, but  only days without water.  It is the most important nutrient for our bodies, which are 50 – 75 % water.  We need water!  If you want be radiant and vibrant, drink your water.  Your body will love your for it!
  3. Daily physical activity:  We come into the world in motion.  We are created to move.  Find a physical activity  that you enjoy and do it daily!  It doesn’t matter what activity so long as it involves the use of your legs and arms.  The options are almost limitless:  dancing, jumping rope, swimming, running, kickboxing, walking, cycling. to name a few.  Love you enough, to move your body.
  4. Be Kind To Yourself:  In today’s world we are bombarded with advertisements telling us how much we lack, how deficient  we are and how we are not enough.  Don’t buy into that line of thinking.  Its this way of thinking that hampers us, again especially women, and keeps us stuck in relationships and situations that we know we should have left yesterday.  You are enough.  Tell yourself daily that “You Are Loving and Lovable”
  5. Eat at least one loving meal per day:  A loving meal is a meal prepared by you or someone who loves you and prepared with whole, healthy food.  If you want to look well, and feel well, then you have to eat well.  To eat well you need to eat whole, healthy, colorful and vibrant foods.   Value yourself enough to prepare a delicious meal that looks good, taste goods and is good for you.  It doesn’t have to be a gourmet meal.  The important thing is that you prepare it with love and with wholesome, healthy food.  When you eat it, set down with no distractions, yes, that means, no cell phones, and thoroughly chew and savor your food.

 We specialize in the “how” of staying married

We all know how to fall in love— that’s the easy part—but can we stay there?

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