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Apr 10

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Why Premarital Counseling Is A Must

You’ve finally met the “one”.  This is it, you’ve found the person your gonna marry.  Now what?  Before taking the plunge  and saying “I do”, you should consider premarital counseling.  Not only should you consider it, you should participate in it, especially if this is your first marriage. Right off the bat, most couples have a 50% change  of divorcing.  Couple for whom this is there second or subsequent marriage, have an even higher rate of divorce.

 

You may be thinking you don’t need premarital counseling because after all, you’ve met you’re soul-mate and you guys get along fine, The relationship is great.  Almost everyone starts off like this.  That’s because in the beginning, the hormones are raging, the newness is exciting and the euphoria is intoxicating.  While in this  euphoric stage, you’re not thinking about real life issues such as finances, family history, if and when to have children, roles and responsibilities of each person.  Usually premarital  counseling is the furthest thing on your mind.   You mistakenly believe love is enough.  If love were enough, 50% of marriages would not end in divorce.   Additionally, while  in this stage your judgment is offend clouded and thus the real important issues that need to be explored are often overlooked and never discussed.   We’ve heard the saying “Love is Blind”.  Well, love really is blind.  Don’t fall for it.  Increase your changes of longevity, according to the Journal of Family Psychology, couples that participate in premarital counseling have higher levels of marital satisfaction and a 30% decline in the likelihood of divorce.

Now that we’ve established that premarital counseling is advisable, and improves your changes for a successful marriage, it’s almost as though it’s a most.  The  next question is with whom should you counsel with?  Some couple counsel with their religious leaders. That’s fine so long as he/she has the experience,  either formal or life experience to cover the important issues that need to be discussed.

The most important thing to consider when choosing someone for premarital counseling is to choose someone who will help you deal with and face the issues that most couples argue about.  You want someone who will help you  explore the other person’s believes and attitudes about these issues. Someone who has been through these issues, and who can help the two of you discuss these issues while realizing that each of you will see and deal with them based upon your lenses which have been colored by your family history and relationships. Who we are as adults is a result of how we were parented.  A competent counselor will help you identify areas of concern. so that they can be addressed.

Of course, the counselor’s job is not to tell you what to do.  This is your life and you are responsible for it. You always have a choice.  The counselor’s job is to help you determine whether or not your partner has the value, morals and characteristics  that mesh with you.  If you get this right, your 50% on your way to a successful marriage.  The formula for a successful marriage is to choose carefully and wisely and then treat nicely.

Permanent link to this article: http://www.familymatterskc.org/why-premarital-counseling-is-a-must/

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